The Path To Pursuing My Dreams

 

Looking Into the Past 

When I was younger and got asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, I was quick to answer, “A teacher!”. Ms. Lussen, my second grade teacher, instilled this dream in me. I respected and adored her, and on the last day of school I found myself crying because she would have a whole new class the following year that I would not be a part of. But, in that moment I realized how many students she came in contact with, each one an opportunity for her to make a positive impact, like she had with me. That moment inspired me to want to be as knowledgeable and influential as my favorite teacher.  

In the following years I would play “school” with my little sister, bringing out a big easel style chalkboard and writing out math problems I had learned to see if I could explain them in a way that would actually teach my sister skills that were 5 years ahead of her grade level. I don’t think I ever achieved this, but for me it was all about being the one at the chalkboard, being the one that patiently dispensed valuable information.   

English has always been both my best and favorite subject. In elementary school my favorite assignment was a thirty minute free writing exercise that we would do twice a year. We could write any story and were encouraged to be creative. My pencil would be scribbling frantically to get out as much plot as I could in the short time, fully enjoying the process. Being assigned a book to read never felt like homework, and learning about metaphors and symbolism unlocked a level of reading that made escaping between the pages of a book even more enjoyable for me. At home I would write and illustrate little books for my grandma using colored construction paper, hole-punched along the edge, with thick knitting string wound through the holes and tied into bows to hold it together.   

In High School I began acting out and my teachers turned from people I looked up to, to people that were disciplining me. Slowly, my aspirations to become a teacher faded away. For my first two years of High School, social drama pulled my attention away from schoolwork and I forgot about my earlier passion for reading and writing. All of the fighting, skipping class, and my horribly mean attitude towards peers and authority figures caught the attention of my guidance counselor, Ms. Risley.   

Interviewing Ms. Risley 8 years later, she recalls that “You were just done.”. I had given up on school after being rejected by my peers and misunderstood by my teachers. But during my Sophomore year, she reached her hand down into the pit I had dug myself into and offered me a way out. She helped me get into a college prep magnet school that put me in an environment where I was able to thrive. I was given trust and freedom to go through campus, I was challenged by the college level courses I was able to take alongside my high school classes, and when I excelled in my schoolwork I felt empowered and motivated to keep applying myself. My teachers once again became people I looked up to and I again aspired to be as knowledgeable and influential as them one day.  

 

Taking Control of the Present 

Now, at 24, I am confident in my love for literature and creative writing. Once I complete my Bachelors Degree with a major in English and a minor in writing and publishing, I plan to work on an MFA degree with a focus in creative writing. With these two degrees, and maybe more, my goal is to teach at a college level and pursue writing a modern fiction novel.  

To become clear on what the steps are to achieve an MFA, I attended a talk with Professor Catasus, who teaches at CCSU and is distinguished by a BA in Literature/Spanish language and culture, an MA in visual and critical studies, an MFA in creative writing, and a PhD in comparative literature. Her level of education alone is inspirational to me, because a PhD in an area of literature studies is a big dream that I hope I push myself to achieve one day. During this talk she advised me that there is a higher level of expectation and responsibility when completing graduate level work, which honestly got me excited, because I love a challenge. She also shared that when applying to MFA programs it is required that you have a portfolio of your work in whichever field you want to focus on. This was especially helpful information which will allow me to use my final year in undergraduate work to create pieces that I want to be a part of my portfolio. I will be taking fiction and nonfiction writing classes that will allow me to create pieces of work for my portfolio that I feel confident in because they have been evaluated by an experienced teacher. Professor Catasus also explained that Universities put aside aid packages for PhD students, which makes me hopeful that a PhD could be achievable without the amount of financial stress that I thought would accompany that level of education.  

In a separate interview with Professor Leonidas, who holds a PhD in English Literature and teaches at CCSU, I was advised to take time between degrees to get experience in a job in my field of study. He believes that this experience is valuable to figuring out what you want to study during a PhD program, and that the job will teach important and transferable skills.  

When I decided that I wanted to teach English at a college level, I became curious of my own professor’s experiences attaining their professional positions. I asked Professor Barr, after his Eng 298 class I was taking, what his journey was like and any advice he had. He shared with me that he greatly enjoyed the experience of getting his MFA, but that the available teaching positions for creative writing were limited because it is not a field that offers a large number and variety of classes. However, I am still determined. I like a challenge anyways. I’m remaining optimistic, and according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, “Overall employment of postsecondary teachers is projected to grow 8 percent from 2023 to 2033, faster than the average for all occupations.”, and “About 118,900 openings for postsecondary teachers are projected each year”. Maybe this is just an imprinted tale from childhood, but I think if I work hard enough I can achieve whatever it is that I want.  

 

Imagining the Future 

Once I obtain my Bachelors and MFA degrees I plan to follow the advice given to me by Professor Leonidas, which is to work for a few years to develop real world skills and to figure out what I would want to study during a PhD program. Ideally, I will find a job teaching classes in writing or literature as an adjunct professor. Taking on teaching a few classes would still give me time to cultivate my own writing. I would like to write a modern fiction novel that captures my individual perception of the world through unique stories and characters. I’m ambitious about writing a novel because I want to cultivate a meaningful piece of work that will remain alive long after I’ve passed, leaving a written archive of my own thoughts, dreams, and unique human experience. I would like to live in a quaint home in a quiet town in Ct, with a large beautiful yard. This yard will have a hammock strung between two large trees padded with blankets and pillows so I can spend a whole afternoon outside reading, and there will be chairs gathered around a table deep within a beautiful garden so I can work on my novel outside in the beauty of nature. This dreamscape of a garden will be maintained by a hired worker because I will be too focused on my teaching and writing to learn how to care for plants.